From Me To You - Dec. 2023

The holidays can be a challenging time, family get togethers are wonderful but they also bring tension. All those personalities in one place can sometimes be more than one room can hold. The uncle who thinks he is funny, the cousin who boasts about everything, the sister you spend your life competing with, these are some of the characters that pop up in most people’s lives.

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It is so easy in life to see the worst in people, to lean towards the negative in a situation but this month I challenge you to find the glimmer. The opposite of a trigger. Those moments when happiness can shine through the gloom and spark joy not fear.

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Coined by Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in complex trauma, in her 2018 book “The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy,” “glimmers” refer to small moments when our biology is in a place of connection or regulation, which cues our nervous system to feel safe or calm.

 

So now that Thanksgiving has passed, I challenge you to use the next family gathering to find the good in people. Those moments that ‘glimmer’ with positivity and joy. Uncle Steven’s jokes may not hit the mark but he is bringing humor and life to the festivities. Your cousin may be boastful, but she is proud of her accomplishments and is looking for affirmation and acknowledgement. And that rivalry with your sister? Perhaps it is time for you to be the bigger person and let that animosity go - you will eventually feel better for it and at the very least you will have ‘won’ the best sister award for the night.

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In amongst all that positive thinking, save some for yourself. Look inside and see what you have improved on this year. Hold your head up at that family gathering, strong in the knowledge that you are the best version of yourself. That you may not be perfect, but you are a person worthy of love and understanding. Find the glimmer inside, and let it shine.

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Catherine Uretsky

Editor in Chief, Estrella Publishing